It's sad that it has taken a house burning down for everyone to pay attention to how much rape can ruin someone. I am extremely happy that people are finally paying attention but to be honest, its doesn't say a lot for humanity that it has taken this long for people to open their eyes. This has been happening for years now and that girls life was ruined long before you all saw it in the Kansas City Star. I hope this story sticks with everyone and I do believe that rape is finally getting the support it should have gotten a long time ago.
It's crazy to me on how similar all these case are to each other, including mine. With the girl drinking too much and the guy taking complete advantage. I'm going to let everyone into some of the things that were told to me because I was drinking. "You put yourself there." "How did you not know what was being done to you?" "It wasn't rape because rape is someone being held down and beaten..." "How did you not wake up?" "How did you not expect him to think you wanted it?" "You didn't say anything, being passed out isn't an excuse... you shouldn't have drank so much, so it was consent." This is the real world people. 85% of rapes involve alcohol. Nowadays, rape isn't defined as someone being forced down and beaten. Nowadays, people who have not been taught what is right and what is wrong, are taking advantage of situations. When are people most at risk to be rape? When they are not sober. Plain and simple. We live in a world now where a girl cannot drink and trust someone.
The world we live in now is a scary one, and one where lives are being ruined because we are not teach our children right from wrong and how to be safe. When is a child old enough to be taught these lessons? I have had so many people open up to me and you would be shocked if you knew how many people this is happening too. And, its only getting worse. The parents of these young boys who rape, are so busy victim blaming that they are teaching those boys that what they did is okay. Which in turn makes other young men think that kind of behavior is expectable.
As for my rapist, he was a college student. Old enough to know better but to dumb enough to care. Why would he stop doing what he loves, when no one is coming forward and when one finally does, his money and his parents get him out of it. Which sends a message loud and clear to him that he can do it, and get away with it.
As a community I'm glad this Maryville story finally sparked something in all of you. But, there are many stories not being heard. Horrifying ones. You die a little you know. All of us that have been raped go through something that words can't describe. It takes something away from you that you can never get back. So talk to your children, teach them. Also, talk to the loved ones around you and make sure that they haven't gone through what I have gone through and what Daisy Coleman has gone through. Their are so many girls fighting their battles by themselves, and no one should have to experience the awful pain of rape alone. All I can hope for with the new stories coming out is that the awareness spreads like wild fire, and never stops. Maybe my hopes are too high, but that's what this topic and all of these victims deserve.
It is sad we live in a world that teaches "Don't get raped instead of, Don't Rape". Very well written post.
ReplyDeleteBoys do need to be educated; I agree that's part of the problem, but it's not the whole problem. There are a lot of things that make a rapist, and some of them can't be corrected with the right message. I wish it were as simple as teaching boys not to rape.
ReplyDeleteI have also survived rape. I know that it wasn't my fault and that rape is always the rapist's fault. That is true no matter the woman, no matter the circumstances. It's also true that in every area of our lives, we are taught how to make ourselves less vulnerable; how to protect ourselves. I'm not sure we're doing a great job of that when it comes to this topic.
I wish it weren't true that it's not safe for us to be vulnerable, but it is true. There are monsters out there, and they're looking for victims. Just as we're taught to lock our doors, and to look both ways before we cross the street, and to get mammograms (things that do not guarantee our safety, but make us less vulnerable to disaster), I do think it's appropriate to educate women that drinking in certain environments leaves them more vulnerable to things like rape (and other crimes). Why would we not arm people with all the information we can in order to protect them? It's difficult when it comes to the topic of rape because it's so vitally important for victims to know that the rape is not their fault. We've got to find a way to bring this into the conversation in a way that lets women know how to best take care of themselves while also being clear that if they did get drunk at a party and get raped, they're still not at fault.
When date rape drugs came around, women were educated about them. We were told to keep our drinks in view at all times, take them with us to the bathroom; we were told not to accept a drink from a stranger's hand, etc. Women weren't being blamed with these tips, we were being educated - and it probably resulted in fewer rapes via date rape drugs. The same needs to happen with alcohol. There are men out there who specifically target women who are intoxicated - that mentality is not very different from the guy who's slipping a drug into someone's drink.
These sickos in Maryville would've raped someone, some day. No doubt, they'll do it again in the future. And they didn't rape these poor girls *because* the girls were drunk - they raped them because they are rapists. But if rapists can be compared to opportunistic, predatory animals, then what they found in these girls was akin to an injured, weakened prey as opposed to prey that had all their faculties, who had the best chance at getting away. It's wrong that if this ever makes it to court, defense attorneys will talk about the state of the girls as if it was their fault or somehow implied consent. All they were was vulnerable, and it's not wrong to say that. It's wrong that we can't figure out how to place 100% of the blame where it belongs (on the rapist) and also talk about the need for girls and women to do what they can to stay safe.
Michelle, I'm very, very sorry to read about the kinds of reactions you've gotten from people who have heard about what happened to you. That's not ok; it's completely ignorant. The best that can be said of such people is that they're so fortunate to have never been in your shoes. I'm glad to see you here, to see that you've survived.