Thursday, December 19, 2013

Finding Voices

One of the biggest go to phrases of victim blaming is "she was embarrassed" or "she wanted the attention, so she cried rape." It also happens to be the story of my rapist. I have never been "embarrassed" from having sex and I never will be. Sex is something that you do because you want to, something you have control over. Rape is not. They are two completely different things. Also, I can get attention with my personality, I don't need to 'cry' anything.

What's embarrassing is having doctors pick and poke at you like a pig on a dissection table. Having people look at you like your dog just died. Or having people look at you like you are the biggest bastard on the planet. The only attention rape brings is the bad kind. Victims are getting called liars and whores for speaking up. They are getting shunned by friends even family. They have people hate them who don't even know them. Victims are not feeling comfortable enough to open up so they don't. Victims that do, usually don't keep going with prosecution. There are victims that comment suicide, or try too. So, is this the kind of "attention" the non-believers are talking about?

It's disgusting to think that we have all this freedom of speech but the victims feel like they have none. So to all the survivors reading this, I am offering you a chance to have your voice and to tell your story without feeling the backlash of victim blaming. Share with me your story, with a pin name of your choice and I will post it here, along side mine. It will not share any names and will be completely anonymous. When I have written 100 blogs, filled with all of our voices, I will take them and turn them into a book.

You can inbox me your journeys to my facebook at or you can email me at I will continue to post my own blogs as well. I hope this give the survivors the positive feeling of finding their voices and hopefully will start them on their journey to healing <3

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Rebuilding Bridges

Throughout the past two years at, some points I was the lowest version of myself. Lately, I have been doing my best to reconnect with the people that saw me at my lowest point or people that have been made victim to my anger that I took out on them and apologize. You all know by now that anger is the emotion that was the hardest for me to shake, and at times still is. I would take situations that had nothing to do with me and make them my business. I jumped on any chance to take my anger out on anyone that was in my path.

I threw away friendships that I had and didn't think twice. I took dating, something that I once understood, and made it impossible. I would put on an act like they had a chance, then I would rip the rug out from underneath them. I wanted to be "normal" again so bad that I jumped into dating and later on drinking. Because that what 22 year olds did. But I wasn't the girl I once was. I was broken and I did everything I could, including hurt the people around me, to not have to admit that to myself.

I want to take this time to try and mend the bridges that my situation helped me burn down. To all of you reading that I may have hurt, I want you to know that I am not that person any longer. I'm facing my situation daily and won't be that person again.

To the people that may have met me in my darkest days I hope that you don't look at me as the girl who was nothing but a mess. I don't want to be know as the girl who couldn't pick herself up, if anything be known as the girl that fell down, and in the end, got back up. I hope you give me the chance to see that for yourselves. I now see the importance of having people around that are supportive. I take the supporters for Safe & Sound Refuge and put them at the top of my list. I do this because I've seen what pushing others away does; I've lived it.

I want every supporter to know that I'm truly grateful for every nice comment, and every kind gesture. I can't take back the hurt I caused, I know that. I just hope by posting this that, the hurt might not sting so much.