So I needed to let myself soak in everything that happened Thursday before writing this. Basically Thursday was a train wreak.
I went to the court house for yet another court hearing on my case. This time it was for my rapist breaking his probation. What punishment did he get you might ask??? Nothing. Not even a slap on the wrist. What makes this worse is the fact that the prosecution who is fighting for me, did not show up.
After an hour of waiting, there was only my best friend and I, and his family and him with his attorney. So after chit chatting with the judge, he was told everything was fine and he could go. Even if that is "normal" for the first violation I would have at least liked someone to be there to say something! Just to try, and for the judge to have a little more respect than to play best friend with a rapist while his victim watched.
My pride was extremely hurt. I show up to every single court hearing (which so far as been more times than I can count on all my fingers and my toes). I go because I want the judge, the rapist, and everyone else there to know that I take this very seriously. That I will be there every single time, because I am not letting this go. I refuse to bust my ass and go through the degrading process of prosecuting this man and let it slowly become just another case that ends with the man getting away with everything. All I have ever asked of the prosecution team is to do the same. To be there with me, so I don't feel like I am defending myself. So far, that is exactly what I have done. It will be what I will continue to do, even if no one is in my corner.
Why? Because it is the right thing to do. I will fight until I can't fight anymore. If that means I defend myself for the next 5 years, until his very last day on probation, that's what I'm going to do. I couldn't help but feel completely embarrassed that this disgusting man has his team there while my side was empty. I have a ton of support from family and friends, which is honestly what got me through until I calmed down.
I keep telling myself that I should be used to the justice system nothing having there ducks in a row, but I refuse to accept that. No girl should have to accept less than what she deserves. The court system is so stuck on "helping" offender’s change their ways that they let the victim deal with less than average help. All the while stripping them of any dignity along the way. It's safe to say the weather was fitting for the disappointing day. But, I'm going to stay positive, I've done all that I can do.
My case is considered a huge victory in the eyes of the law, which I am grateful for. But there are so many other case that should be victory's as well. I think that’s why I fight so hard. In my eyes, I use my case as my voice, and all the other voices that have not been heard.
I just have to keep using my voice to make sure everyone associated with this case knows what I expect and what I deserve. What we ALL deserve.